It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Friday, November 02, 2007

Insert Kris Benson Joke Here

This HotStove is a microwave oven, baby!!

For those unconvinced of a Yankers-Sawx bias on the World Wide Leader's part, Espn's homepage now actually has a "Torre" button, right next to the NFL and NCAA buttons. Perhaps a button being named after the MLB's least active manager is ironic. I dunno.

Kids, before you start doing roids, think of how awkward it can turn out. First of all, your head grows to enormous proportions while your junk shrinks. Then, everyone will find out about how you manage your mistresses. You'll be forced to hide cravenly behind your kid when the media raises questions about your cheating. You may become a man without a team, facing a jail sentence that everyone thinks you deserve. Finally, you'll have to boycott your own Hall of Fame ceremony when some joker sharpies an asterisk on your historical memorabilia, and issue statements like "You cannot give people the freedom, the right to alter history. You can't do it."

David Wright's "interview" on Jon Stewart the other night revealed nothing, despite the host's awkward questions and distracting self-depreciation (which is only entertaining in moderation, Jon, otherwise it looks like you just want attention). If anything, Wright seemed more entrenched than ever in his position. So I wonder how his talk with Omar went.

With the HotStove season upon us, baseball beat writers have all renewed their licenses to generally just make shit up. So we have headline after headline pushing one rumor or another, and thanks to the internets, the fan can absorb them all, and even make his own. Some are ridiculous. Some are down right offensive (I think it is outlandish to think that the Mets would even consider offering 50 year old Posada a multiyear contract for example, or that Kris Benson would make a fine #5 starter).

We have to somehow get past the New York Yankees heroic and inspirational stand last week against greed and autopilot managers if we ever want to discuss the main event, the stomach-turning Arod issue, rationally. First of all, what possibilities does the greedy bastard have? One Buster has this to say:

The Mets, Dodgers, Angels, Giants and Marlins are among the teams which have not publicly ruled out pursuing Rodriguez. Sources say it is highly unlikely that the Dodgers will seriously entertain the possibility.

Ok, "sources" say LA is highly unlikely. But the Dodgers do need offense and a third baseman and relevancy not in that order. And they are bringing the entire Yankee management team save D. Jeeter into the laid back SoCo atmosphere. And they face the challenge of Art Moreno's Angels, a team that could at any moment rename themselves the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim at Chavez Ravine." So you can't take the Dodgers off the board, especially if you know first hand how the club is willing to raise parking prices every year until they are higher than ticket prices.

The Angels could do it. Arod could massage Vlad's bad back.

This is the kind of goddamn thing the Marlins would do. But I can't see Arod playing there if another team offers the same money.

The Giants are irrelevant and need a splash, but they did just get hosed last season by Barry Zito and the amazing bozo-colored contract. So... I dunno.

The Red Sawx shouldn't be a real player, even if they are not insulted by Bora$ taking a steamy shit on their championship, assuming they are content to let the Yankers self-destruct on their own. They already have enough to take them deep into the playoffs every year. But Theo does put on a monkey costume once in a while, so you never know.

So two things stand out. One, Scot Bora$ is a stomach-turning greedy bastard (already saying stomach-turning greedy things) and Arod has no inclination to even pretend he has any class. Two, there just don't seem to be many suitors out there.

I close with a quote from Field General William Randolph on the lessons he is drawing from the September to Dismember:

"An undying commitment to each other," Randolph said of what he expects. "We could have been a juggernaut if we leaned on each other every day. You know, take that approach -- 'I'll be patient and take the team RBI. Spit on the pitch and take the walk.' -- which we didn't do enough. You have to be so unselfish you almost can't stand yourself."

Finally, a big first prize to the reader who comes up with the best Kris Benson related joke!

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.