Mets Can't Get it Wright, But Pelf-help isn't the Answer

It's no surprise to announce that another unknown young pitcher waved his Wandy over the Mets Aw-fense. Well unknown to me at least, and he did look young. Anyway that the Mets were unable to catch a fish called Wandy didn't shock a soul. The big surprise came at the ...

Texas Standoff. * They were in Texas. And Reyes, well, Reyes just stood there, perhaps a winning strategy in dodgeball or freezetag, but alas not so useful for major leage baseball.

Why was Reyes doing his pro-wrestler stare? Did Wandy call him a wussy? Did he "think it was the bat"? It would have looked better if Jose had caught himself, and headed for third--at least he could say he was confused. Although many digital trees are going to be squandered these next few days over the whys, whatsthats, and wherefores of Jose's Hoedown, the clearest fact of the matter is that Willie did the right thing, managed for once, and sat that boy down, not to mention saving Billy Wagner the trouble of crayoning out some "No yer place All Star" signs for Reyes' locker. Reyes non-move wasn't even entertaining, like a good Paul Lo Duca brain-cramp- baseball-spike.

Let's let the everlovin' Marty Noble set the clubhouse scene before we submit it to analysis:

"If you can't get out of the box," Randolph said several times, "you don't play."

The manager indicated that the punishment he imposed doesn't necessarily end with one missed inning. Reyes could be excluded from the lineup Saturday as well, potential discipline several teammates privately endorsed Friday night.
...
[Randolph said ]: "Now is the time you become a winner. He's not there yet."
...
And team sage Julio Franco acknowledged he intends to speak with Reyes, "probably after the [All-Star] break. I want him to think," Franco said.


So, first, if you can't get out of the box, you can't play for Willie. That is, unless that box is a coffin and you are named Julio Franco-stein. And what exactly is a guy whose bat speed was gone before Reyes was born, yet still uses a heavy bat which he tilts way the hell behind him have to tell Reyes about thinking? That said, I publicly endorse this move. What I am worried about is the sentence regarding those that "privately endorsed" it though, since chemistry is the only thing this team has maintained since the start of the June swoon, and nobody likes whispers any more than they like pouty all-star short stops. And also, did Willie have to go and call Reyes a loser?

In related development, somewhere in the minors, Lastings Milledge just let out a sigh of relief. Maybe the media will still be pissing on Jose when I get there, he might be thinking.

So...is it time to hog pile on the Mets base-running barrista? Is it time to take totally uncalled for cheap shots at everyone's favorite ReyesRunner? No it isn't, not when half of the rest of the team jogs to first on balls hit entirely in fair territory. But only time will tell what "Reyes-Gate", as some astute observers are calling this episode, will mean to the team's chemistry.

So Willie looked forward to blowing out the candles last night, but he just blew out some veins in his head. The Mets need to look at themPelfs in the mirror. Because Agent 0-7 Mike Pelfrey is not cut out for this assignment. He is honoring the arrival of 7/07/07 with his 7th loss, and perhaps making a run for John Franco's proud 1998 mark of losing 8 decisions without a W. That's not to say that he pitched that bad. He had some help in reducing the Mets First Place Sweater to a ball of Yarn from the one and only David Wright, who seemed from the get-go to be desparate to lose this game.

Wright came into orange juice park "not from concentrate." That is to say, he was more bozo than boffo, and suitably made the last out not being able to get to second on a wild west pitch. Meanwhile, Wright wasn't alone in being out at 2nd--second game losses are getting to be old hat for the Mets, and I don't mean the hat with the paper mache apple in it. I mean the hat that is getting really old.

This was an ugly, dumb, stupid, boring loss for the boys in bluorange, and I get even crabbier thinking about how the Br*ves won their game.

The Br*ves are only 2 games out.

And this ain't even yer father's, or slightly older brother's, Astros team. The killer B's are now more like killer C's and Mike Scott's Asstro-not's won-loss record is close to the opposite of the Mets. I demand the Mets to win the next two damn games. But tonight's pitchers are 80 years young, and if the Mets continue to have trouble with pitchers with stupid names, then Toothless Tom will have his hands full with Woody Williams.



*titles, various thoughts and promotional considerations provided by Cver's Adventure Travel and Pancake House, "When You're Hungry for Adventure, Think of Us!"