It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

God help us, its the Mets! Or... Is that Scott Schoeneweis's ERA in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Hey relax, the Mets bullpen to the rescue!

The Mets were poised for an offensive breakthrough against the good Zambrano. His shaved dome removing the appearance of a boy with a lost puppy in favor of a more menacing look, Johnny Maine had given up 3 wee-little runs, but his stuff looked good and he looked to be recovering. And if Endy could learn to catch again, perhaps things wouldn't get out of hand. As I said, the Mets had the Cubs right where they wanted, in the sights of another Elvisian comeback special. Someone forgot to tell Willie and "No Show" the plan. Willie wanted to show Sweet Lou that he too could play "Captain Hook" so he yanked Maine (who it must be admitted usually wilts late) after 5 and 96, without giving him a chance to do much much much better than the suckas Willie summoned subsequently. And no thanks to Uncle Cliff Floyd who barely strained a tendon going 3 fer 5. Anyhow, ignoring the page-one injunction of the Major League Bible: "Thou shalt not let Daryl Ward Beat Thy," Willie and the Mets threw a "Tag Sele" and blew this one right out their pooper long before the Amburglar (Bogus Burgos) rubbled in to demonstrate his continued lack of big league competence.

After Delga-doh' got pegged, now we're left with nothing but second place and the prospects of watching more Julio Franco than we care too. And if I know Willie, we can look forward to seeing Carlos Gomez's rookie enthusiasm from the bench where it can't impact the game too much, because everybody knows that 10-1 drubbings are no place for a rookie to get in the game and get comfortable on a team he may well play a significant role on. What exactly is Willie doing during games, texting with Joe Torre about job openings? A little two game winning streak would be a nice way to get ready for the Bronx metrosexuals this weekend.

Endy Chavez Sucks*

This is the most controversial thing I've written since I claimed (jokingly) that David Wright sucked, but I have to say it. Endy Chavez has not been Endy like since Old Man Moises went on his most recent Carnival Cruise to atrophy and Endy claimed the starting role. Maybe it's because he uses fabulous Endy power to barely not get to balls that non-Endy's would have just not gotten to. Maybe its because he and Carlos Beltran, justifiably collision-shy, are affecting each other's orbits like two planets. Maybe its the lack of hair. I dunno, but someone has to say it: the guy has made some high-profile catches to go along with some heads-up plays, but man I've counted 3-4 balls since he assumed regular starter duties that looked an awful lot like they should have been caught. Including one tonight. I realize that no one likes the taste of sacred cow, so flame me if you must. If this doesn't get me some comments, I don't know what I have to do.

MLB sucks

Metsfans are outraged at the poor quality of MLB product, a situation that yours truly has wasted many electronic trees shaking his tiny fist at. When will MLB be called to account for preposturous blackout rules, shoddy internet product, and inexplicable scheduling? That's what a lot of us want to know, including an angry mob over at Metsblog. Bud "Bedwetter" Selig, I think you hear us knocking and I think we're coming in.

As I blustered over at Metsblog, I recently read that fed up airline passengers, sick of being stuck in planes for 10 hours, united to push a "passenger's bill of rights." Maybe its time for baseball fans to do the same. Remember without fan pressure, there would be no Extra Innings package at all on cable. My promise to dedicate blog space to a united front against the MLB weezels should a movement ever materialize still stands.

We should be pissed. We are paying premium prices for bullshit service.

John Smoltz swallows

Want some quality entertainment? Worried about Son of Satan Smoltz and his barely injured finger? Check out this wonderful celebration of all things Smoltzy. Fun quote:
John Smoltz is running for the Lord now and doesn’t intend to ever look back!

Alyssa Milano Update

Well this is probably the right time to admit that the Alyssa Milano project is an abject failure, a friendly folly, a pointless proposal. But I'm not going to. I'm gonna persist because of my moto: Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed. That counts for you too, Alyssa baby.

*at fielding particular balls hit recently but nothing else

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.