Mets Mathematically Alive After Mauling at Marauders' Hands

The Mets came prepared to do battle with the team that gave Oliver Perez away to them just a couple of years ago. Having narrowly escaped a loss the night before to the third division Buccaneers of Baseball, the Mets certainly intended to show their true colors today. Instead they walked the plank and ended up in front of Davey Jones' Locker, explaining another piss poor performance to the media sharks who smell blood in the water. The game was delayed when a water main broke and the Mets decided that Shea Stadium was inoperable with diminished water pressure, read: the rats would have no means of transportation. But surprise surprise, when local workmen were done soaking the neighborhood with water on account of a broken main (not to be confused with the Mets current #2 hurler since Spring training), the Mets commenced drenching the diamond with sewage--their miserable play.

Ollie P, the mercurial lefty with more stuff than smarts, did not repay the kindness of those who defend him and dream that the Mets will resign him at a premium this off-season. Playing against the team that gave up on him, and pitching after a night where the Mets used everyone in the pen outside of Matt Franco, Derek Bell, Desi Relaford and Todd Zeile, OP could not get it done. What does this tell you about his mental makeup? In what is at least the understatement of the week, Perez offered "Sometimes I have trouble making strikes." Jose "It was too late for me to get there" Reyes was no help to Perez because Jose is busy spending his free time away from being Professor Reyes resisting getting his head in the game. He makes it look easy. Defensively, Pagan has not inspired my worship in the field, and when Angel spreads his clumsy wings in the outfield I can almost hear Endy Chavez groan. Pitchingwise, I imagine Sosa is packing his bags right now for a little trip to the farm, so let's give him some time and not talk about him.

Baseball Prospectus 2008 went to press before the Mets acquired Johan Santana, but the dire predictions they had for this elderly, unmotivated crowd seem closer to the truth than I'd care to admit: "They won't blow another late-season lead, because they won't have another late-season lead."

Hopefully, this game won't come to symbolize the season: the Mets want to shower this performance off, but there's no water pressure.