It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Shhh! Mets Working on Secret Retirement Present for Cox

While Keith Hernandez was setting new standards for masculinity, changing his own tire on the way to the ballgame, the Jones brothers were pulling up lame, making this game a kind of must win. See, I'd hate to lose to the Br*ves when they are playing without their biggest stars.

Tim Hudson pitched well enough to win; by the end of the 4th, second baseman Prado had bagged 7 straight ground ball put outs. But it wasn't meant to be for the Br*ves, and you could see the beautiful looks of demoralization on their straw chewin' faces. They weren't dreaming about the playoffs, they were thinking of an October washing their monster trucks and fixin' road-kill lasagna with their illegitimate children, or piling into the General Lee to go impregnate poor Hooter's waitresses with premature ejaculate. Watching Cox shrivel in the dugout like a slug in a beer shower was a distinct pleasure that frankly, I deserve. Retirement beckons Bobby, don't keep it waiting.

At one point it was mentioned that Ollie had good stuff but it didn't look that impressive to me. Still, until the McCann homer, he was looking invincible. And, for all the butterflies he chases, Ollie's 6th inning pick off of Hudson of second base was damn near heads up! The baseball gods help those who help themselves.

The Br*ves now face a day of reckoning, as in I reckon their winning ways are over. Still, with their Satanically savvy GM, 2 dominant starters, cast of good young players, and fertile farm system, you have to hope that the coming off-season travails just spiral into a spate of management retirements and free agent losses, otherwise they will certainly rise again, hick style. Thirteen straight division championships is quite enough.

But one step at a time...Let's keep the sweep in order!

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  • At 5:48 PM, Blogger Dawn said…

    Do you ever wonder why Braves fans don't make jokes about Northern people? Because we've been taught how to be ladies and gentlemen, that's why. We know just to overlook your childish insults, because you're Yankees, after all, and you don't know any better. Yes, you are all Yankees... sad, but true.

  • At 7:30 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    And I thought it was because they were illiterate! Well Dawn, thanks for not overlooking my childish insults and setting me straight. You are exactly right, I don't know any better.

  • At 11:18 PM, Blogger Jaap said…

    Illiterate indeed. Probably too busy fornicating with their cousins to raise their heads long enough to open their little squealing pig mouths to utter such blasphemies against Northerners.

    In any event, the reason the Braves are doing so poorly is because they won the unlucky number 13 in a row.

    And Fat Bobby Cox needs a dugout tailor to keep him in stretch pants during games for that ever-expanding waistline!

  • At 8:14 AM, Blogger metsfanincincy said…

    Dawn, you are right, it's the Georgia born and bred Braves PLAYERS that insult Northern people. If only there were more Southern gentlemen like John Rocker around the world would be a better place. IMFM and jaap, don't forget "racist" when you describe those Southern ladies and gentlemen. I get reminded of it every time I hear and see the "chop".

  • At 3:45 PM, Blogger Dawn said…

    Just continue to wallow in your ignorance and bigotry, that's okay with me. I will not stoop to you name-calling level.

    By the way,the inevitable references to Braves fans having sexual relations with their cousins, sisters, etc.. leads me to this thought.. I've found Northern people in general to be obsessed with the topic of incest. I found this interesting bit of info that speaks to the way New York handles folks who think it's okay to abuse their young relatives sexually ... by, well, saying it is okay.

    "New York's law allows the possibility of privileged treatment for a special class of offender: the perpetrator who is related to his prey. In other words, the penal code gives a discount to child rapists who grow their own victims. In New York, sex with a child under the age of 11 is a Class B felony, punishable by up to 25 years in prison. The law is indexed appropriately, in the chapter on sex offenses. If, however, the sexually abused child is closely related to the perpetrator, state law provides for radically more lenient treatment. In such cases, the prosecutor may choose to charge the same acts as incest. This is not listed as a sex offense, but instead as an "offense affecting the marital relationship," listed next to adultery in the law books. It is a Class E felony, for which even a convicted offender may be granted probation."

    —Andrew Vachss, Op-Ed, The New York Times, 20 November 2005

    Note that incest is not treated as a sexual offense..Oh well, just some info...

    As I said earlier, I won't make any derogatory remarks about you Yankees. Just know that the contempt in which you are held by us is, well, indescrible, so for the most part, we don't attempt to voice it.

  • At 10:22 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    Dawn, is there something i could say to keep you commenting? This is the most fun I've had since they caught Chipper with the Hooters girl. Or maybe since they caught Cox beating his wife.

    Any southerner smart enough to pass the word verification quiz is always welcome here! And as a Br*ves fan, you're about to have plenty of free time on your hands.

  • At 4:00 PM, Blogger Dawn said…

    you wish....


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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.