Mets Padres "Highlights" and Lowlights

Don't run that way on the NL East escalator, you little punk!

I am trying to treat this team as my children, knowing that if they make the playoffs, I'll have to make peace with even the lousiest portion of the roster and cheer for them all as if I didn't hold a grudge. The team the Mets sent to the playoffs was much better than this one, and we lost to the evil St. Louis team. So who knows, maybe we send a lesser entry and win it all?

Anyhow, last night's come-from-behind loss to the anemic Padres offense would have hurt more if the Br*ves hadn't got beaten dramatically as well. And, I have to admit, everyone, at some point in their lives, is shut down by the tremendous power of Heath Bell's blubbering thighs. So with an inner calm, I look at these Mets as my children, one of whom I want to buy a cell phone and give cookies to, and one that I want to start beating and sending to military school. Hey, anything goes in America, as long as you aren't sponsering dogfighting, right?

For space reasons, I will not comment on the Mets defense, which as everyone knows, wins playoff games. As a result, Luis Castillo will not get his due, but David Wright, who apparently thought he was playing the hot corner for the Ringling Bros. traveling team, can breathe a sigh of relief. Sadly Alomar Jr. the washed up catcher and Alomar family member the Mets are forced to depend on while loDuca serves out his banishment to the hot-teen-less Mets minor leagues, made the kind of beautiful plate blocking play that wins Ron Darling Emmys for describing it.)

Goofus: The Mets entire pitching staff

Duck! Its the Mets pitching staff regressing to the mean!

Let's start with Sir Thomas Glavine, Duke of Batting Practice. A typical Metsfan's myopia about this guy is maddening. Glavine is rickety. Period. Perhaps he'll pull an outstanding performance out of his ass, but just as likely, he will get his old doors blown off in a pivitol game one or two of a playoff series. So what you have to give him for his ancient stores of knowledge and guile, you have to take away from him for continuing to play at his age and deteriorated talent level. This is not a number 1 or 2 starter.

Glavine's presense gives credence to what is rapidly becoming a new norm, the 5 or 6 inning starter. I hate this. Sure if you're the kind of fossil that makes up 2/5s of the Mets rotation, its understandable that you just don't have it anymore. But Maine and Ollie also get into the act, as if emulating an older brother that just stole a car. That's not the kind of young pitcher that helps a club out as much as he could. I don't remember an era when young pitchers with low milage had to be hooked so early from their starts. Sucky pitchers, yes, but young "studs" as Mets enthusiasts would have you believe Ollie and Maine are? Where is the conditioning or stamina we expect from highly paid athletes? I might have to accept it, but I damn sure don't have to like it.

I recognize the right of some fans to mindlessly pay tribute to how swell Glavine has been in whatever small sample (e.g. "his last four games,""some games in which he did not get rocked" or "since the allstar game") you choose to try to excuse his suckiness. I also recognize others' rights to hang the toilet paper backwards on the roll (infidels). Well fans, Tommy can make his own excuses. Apparently, Glavine thought he was being squeezed by the umps last night. The ump did seem to have at least two different strikezones, one for left handed hitters and one for righties. And as his fans all know, Glavine is too classy to blame a bad outing on the umpires (or roll his eyes at his teammates plays for that matter). Wait a minute, who said this then?!

“I have no comment on his strike zone tonight, thank you.”

Well from my vantage point, Tom, the umps didn't have much chance to squeeze you, since most everything you threw was launched into the outfield.

Countrytime Lemon!

A pitcher who really was squeezed came on to blow the save. According to Countrytime Lemon, he pitched great!

Wagner said he was pretty surprised he blew the lead.
“I’ll be honest with you. That’s about the best I’ve pitched in two weeks,” he said. “Three hits, two runs - maybe I should pitch worse.”

Well it looked sucky on tv.

It was more than just a save that he blew, it was a heartwarming turn by the clubs gallant offense. An amazing comeback from a 6-1 deficit. The long and the short of it is that Billy Wagner looks eminantly hittable. He is comfortable with putting guys on base and then bearing down. The ump might not have given him the benefit of the doubt, but when you are beaten by .213 hitting T. Sledge, it is time to stop harrassing the rooks and look in the mirror yourself. Know your place, Wagner!

Heilman the Mailman

WHen asked how he would like to have his pitches sent by opposing hitters, Aaron always chooses "airmail." His ground service ain't great either. Heilman fields a bunt! Horton hears a who! I'm supposed to be grateful cause in the 10th inning Aaron keeps his head and makes a routine defensive play? Well I am. And I'm not happy about it. Aaron Heilman is consistently prone to giving up the big team crushing homerun in the big spot. When it absolutely, positively, needs to get launched into the misty night, Heilman is your man, if you are rooting for the opposition. If Aaron isn't focusing on his fielding or pitching, what the f*ck, praytell, is he focusing on? I guess that long trudge from his parking spot must wear him out. I'm kinda tired of him too.

Gallant: Met's Offense

Luis Castillo tried his damn bestest to win this game for the Mets, both with his bat and with his glove. What can you say about a boy like Luis? Damn fine work.

Marlon Anderson, who either hails from a planet of superior beings who do nothing but pinch hit, or was raised from birth to substitute for other hitters or pitchers in highly significant situations.
Marlon is to pinch hitting what Brazilians are to soccer. He's just naturally better at it than most people. I imagine his mom unexpectedly handing him a bat and a helmet while he was still in the cradle, and saying "go to it, son." Keep Marlon out of the outfield, and he can continue to use his wrists to right wrongs and injustices all over the league.

Beltran who has been able to maintain his focus while Gary tries to jinx him from the booth by talking about how Belty is on a tear right now. Buntran is good for a couple bigtime RBIs every game it seems. And that has to be good enough for us.

Wright, who is solid and consistent at the plate. Not spectacular, but he is the offensive bedrock, now and in the future.

Reyes, though looking slightly lost at the plate lately, still found a way to contribute at the plate and on the base paths (and then there's that amazing hose attached to his goofy shoulder).

Shawn "It ain't easy being" Green is taking his licking and keeps on ticking. He may be an adventure in the field, but he is performing as well as can be expected from a near retirement ex-slugger.

I'm not sure what Thrilledge needs to do to learn how to hit or foul off a slider or curve, but he needs to get to it. I saw Jose Reyes learn to do it, so I know its possible. Carlos Delgado, well he was in the lineup too.

It's time for Omar and Willie to bring in a foster child. Someone to liven up family trips to the mall. How bout a Humber?