Choke Sandwich, Hold the Malaise

Whatever the Mets did to piss off the Florida Marlins, somewhere Senator Al Leiter is probably chuckling.

That the Mets can't even collapse properly as the media is focused on the Red Sawx and their familiar decent into hell is cold comfort. I can't help feel my predictions of a Boston-Mets World Series might have brought this on. Luckily, Metsfans the world over won't notice my karmic blunder as they are too busy picking among forms of suicide. Leap from a tall place? Head in the oven? Poison? Bleed in the tub?

Thinking about yesterday's loss is like staring straight at the sun, so I will distract myself with a little weak armchair analysis. Future historians and philosophers will try to put the pieces of the puzzle together. There's many ways you can describe the current situation. No one explanation captures the whole picture but each has an element of truth.

A) The mediocrity of the Mets rotation, long denied by their boosters, is now starting to become apparent. It's the fall season, and El Duque is again wearing this season's hottest correctional medical footwear. The smoke has dissipated in Glavine and Maine's smoke and mirrors campaign and the mirror is shattered, revealing the 4 and 5 starters they actually are. Pedro is Pedro, but he ain't superman. And Ollie is a fine mess to have. Basically the Mets and their fans were lulled into a false sense of confidence in what they had, ignoring the warning signs during the season. The rotation performed just good enough to avoid a shakeup and now Omar has to dance with what brung him, and it is bucktoothed ugly.

B) Another argument is that Omar Minaya's failure to upgrade the bullpen doomed this team a long time ago. His gambles just didn't pay off. The bullpen, far from stellar anyway, was then mismanaged by one William Randolph. When arm burnout season came, adequate replacements were not found in the minor league system. Young starters were not given a chance to eat bullpen innings. Yada yada.

C) Others might argue that pivotal defensive mistakes, unforced errors by the club's core "stars" are the key to any good description of the current malaise. With all the bed shitting done by the rotation and pen, it is actually undisciplined baseball that is killing the Mets, breaking their spirit after momentum shifting offensive accomplishments. Mental and physical errors happening at the absolute worst times.

D) You could point to injuries, and the Mets have had more than their share. But this explanation isn't satisfying for why they are collapsing. The Mets had plenty of depth thanks to Omar's assembling an impressive bench, and if you watched this team play at full or near to full strength, I think you'd have a hard time accepting the injury excuse. Previously existing injuries such as Duanar Sanchez and Pedro don't really count because they were known in plenty of time to plan around.

Why is it happening? Will it stop? Will the Mets be forced to rely on the Br*ves to knock the Phils out for them? One thing seems clear: if the Mets are backing into the playoffs, we are getting to see a whole lot of their ugly backside.

PedroPower, take us away!!!

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Kudos to the Mets organization for finding a young boy with Tourette syndrome to throw out the first pitch on the Sept 25 game against the Nationals. It would have been much easier to just ask any random fan to scream obscenities while throwing a pitch, but the Mets figured at least the boy wouldn't be tempted to aim the ball at Willie Randolph. Reached for comment about the Mets recent performance, the boy said: "Those m*therf&ing d*&chebags better g&d*mn well straighten out there acts and fly right or I'll ram my Vans so far up their a$$ it won't be funny. Sh*t. C**ksukers."



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I recognize that in troubled times, we Metsfans need something to look forward to, to give us hope for a better tomorrow. I want to reward my loyal readers with scoops that they can't get anywhere else. To that aim, I have procured through my sources a copy of the actual patch the Mets will wear next year to commemorate the Shea Stadium Landfill for all its years of service. Enjoy!