It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Unfortunately, the Mets Hall of Shame still holds a bigger annual picnic than the club's Hall of Fame. The current hall of fame, according to the Mets MLB site, features such luminaries as Seaver, Kiner, Stengel, Hodges, McGraw and Agee. And then of course, comes any 80s Met with an interesting nickname: Rusty, Mex, the Kid, Mookie. Ok Mookie and Rusty are given names, but you get the point. Pondering John Franco's worthiness, I got to thinking , who are the future members of the Mets HOF? Who should they be? Discarding that interesting, serious question for something more facile and frivilous, I came up with this post.

So when I check out in about 2050 or so, here's who I hope to see up on the Mets official website (or whatever collective hallucination replaces the internet) as dudes with retired numbers or retired barcodes as the case may be. (Cue dreamy flashforward music.)

Class of:

2007: John Franco. C'mon, the guy was Mr. freakin' Met until he stayed a bit too long. Being really really scared in the 9th inning IS a form of entertainment after all. And, he signed a ball for me once.

2013: Pedro Martinez. After a promising 2005 season as the newest member of Omar Minaya's Mets and a 2006 world championship with his new team, Martinez decided to undergo a risky elective surgery. Using nanotechnology, doctors reinforce Pedro's shoulder using a shoulder donation from Pedro's close midget friend who was killed in a tragic drinking accident. Thus structurally reinforced, Pedro goes on to win 6 consecutive Cy Young Awards, shattering each of Rodger Clemens steroids-aided records though he is continually late to spring training.

2015: Albert Pujols. Traded to the Mets midseason 2007 for Carlos Delgado and prospect Lastings Milledge, Pujols overcame some embarassing publicity surrounding his affair with Cardinals' Chairman of the Board William O. DeWitt, Jr.'s wife June and the subsequent accidental drowning death of their beloved dog, Redbird, to lead the Mets in all offensive categories for the remainder of his career.

2025: David Wright: Having led the Mets to 5 consecutive WS championships with the help of fellow HOF'ers Reyes and Beltran, and Pujols, Wright says all the right things in a beautiful HOF speech that incidentally mentions his favorite website/corporation/international power,"Itsmetsforme/starbucks/GAP/bestbuy/walmart/UmaThurman/microsoft/ "

2026: Jose Reyes, Scott Kazmir, and Carlos Beltran. Because a guy can dream, can't he?

2050: Le Shawnian Zanzibar: The genetic offspring of Willy Mays, John Olerud, Dwight Gooden, Scott Kazmir, and a 7 foot tall rabit created in the South Korean laboratories of Sterling Enterprises in the year 2008 finally retires after a 40 year career in which he hits .736 with no strikeouts, and compiles a 1023-6 record as a starting pitcher.

This post brought to you by the C.O.M.P.U.T.M.E.H.O.F.P.O.B.S.D.G.I (Committee to Put Mex in the MLB Hall of Fame Pronto Or Bud Selig's Dog Gets It)


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.