Heyman, Nice Shot! Media Offers Jerry Contract Extension, Can Mets be Far Behind?

This post best enjoyed accompanied by the video above.

Temporary lack of freak injuries + short winning streak+wild-card lead= ?

Don't be coy, Mets fans. You know exactly how to solve that equation. While you ponder that, look what just made noted Sports Illustrated scribe Jon Heyman's list of the best decisions of the past year list: "The Mets’ decision to retain Jerry Manuel after an abysmal 2009 season."

You read that right.  When the Wilpon's threw their hands up and didn't fire anyone after consecutive debacles, it was a terrific decision, not a miserable concession to the reality of their impoverished notions of running an organization.  Look, media columns need to be filled and that means lists filled with indefensible contentions must be propagated. I get it. But unless this is a piece of performance art, there is no call for writing something like this:

Manuel was put on warning, but Mets ownership never seemed close to firing him even after the team started poorly in 2010. To his credit, a more confident, positive feeling in the clubhouse has aided the team’s rather stark turnaround to the top of the wild card standings. Manuel has a very thick skin (a necessity in New York) and a knack for developing a positive feeling, even when things appear down. He has an option for about $1.5 million for 2010 (sic), but a multiyear extension is in order.

In this understanding, it's time for MAJOR rewards for all those involved in the last few weeks of marginal success. We're talking contract extensions, if not part ownership.

Words are the problem here. Coming up with which ones accurately describe the way this set of ideas strikes me. "Preposterousity." Is that a word? 

Here's the thing. An extension for Manuel is entirely possible.  And the Mets, if they follow their normal mode of operations (see: extending Omar) will wait for just the right moment, which will be something like when the Mets somehow fall out of the wildcard race because Jerry misread a lineup card, or when it's revealed that Johan has been allowed to pitch with a nail through his elbow, or upon the news that Omar just traded Mejia for the pickled beard of Tim Redding.





There have to be other qualifications than "a very thick skin" and "a knack for developing a positive feeling, even when things appear down." Otherwise, the Mets owe it to their fans to open the manager competition to other qualified personages, such as the following candidates:
 



1. The Schmoo

As managers, Schmoos preach aggressiveness and the use of dexterous feet: their players are always taking the extra base and hustling down the line. Schmoo has a real presence in the dugout, this despite his inability to deploy the hand-signs most managers and bench coaches rely upon.  Said to favor reinstating Razor Shines as third base coach. As for handling the long knives of the metropolitan media, Schmoos are delicious to eat, and eager to be eaten.


2. Caveman Ringo Starr

Having discovered fire, Ringo will really light up an interview room.  The knock on him as an in-game manger is that Ringo can fade into the background when the tempo slows down and the team harmonizes.  Also his tendency to literally rip the arms off bullpen pitchers and roast them over a spit will represent an improvement over the current Met regime's approach to only the most jaded wags.  But when the giant dinosaur shit hits the palm fan, there's nobody you'd rather have in your cave.


3. Happy elephants

You want thick skin, you should see how happy elephants handle NY media churlishness (not to mention questions about bullpen roles and their baffling pinch hitting decisions).  They barely notice!! Of course, sad, down-in-the-mouth elephants without a positive outlook on life need not apply; that'd be silly!


4. Manimal

Yes, Manimal is not real. But arguably, he has the creditability that the Wilpons look for in a hire; anyone that knows the secrets that divide man and animal can certainly manage a bullpen and restrain themselves from throwing good outs away.   In addition to reputation for helping the police solve crimes by transforming into a hawk or a panther, Manimal is also rumored to be a "true Yankee," adding to an already impressive pedigree.